Two years have come and gone. It feels like yesterday…ten years sometimes. I can still remember her soft touch..her radiant smile..her calm and confident demeanor. I try to hold on to the sound of her voice. It's as if she slipped away on vacation. Some days it is real, though. Those days when I reach for my phone to call her out of habit. Those days when I need advice or a pep talk that only a mother could give. Those days when I just want to "go home" and curl up on the couch with her.
But, all of those things are too much to dwell on. Selfishly I wish my mom were still here to experience life with us on Earth, but I know she is in a better place with her Father in Heaven, free of pain and suffering. Praise the Lord for that! I have such a calming peace over me now. My mother and I had a deeper bond that some will never experience in their lifetime. Nothing can take that away. Even though she didn't get to live a long life in number of years, her life was fulfilled. Full of grace, love, and laughter.
I could go on and on. Today, I just try to live a life that would honor her, in memory of her. I feel her spirit with me everywhere I go. I see her in the moon. My mother has taught me that life is precious…we are never guaranteed anything. My hope is that I can touch a few people along the way, like my mother did to so many! I am so proud to be able to carry on her legacy. We know she would be so happy and supportive of our journey to Australia..and my sisters strength back home!
It was a strange feeling being alone in the city today…knowing that my sister was going to be celebrating her life back home with loved ones the next day (since we are 15 hrs ahead here in Sydney). Hard for me. But, I tried to make the best of it and keep my mind busy.
Ronnie and I met for lunch in the Royal Botanical Gardens. Learning to love living off of PB&Js and fresh fruit. We found a magnolia tree to sit under, which is her favorite..and if you look closely in the top left pic, you can see the moon shining brightly through on this sunny day. We even ran into a cupcake stand on the way that was selling red velvet cupcakes. How perfect?! I hear you, Mom!
Cheers'ing to my mothers wonderful life!
If you know our story, red velvet is our thing. My mothers thing. My sister and I reenacted this pic of my mom (who was with girlfriends in New York just months before she passed) when we went last December.
Then, I spent a few hours roaming through a bookstore. Ended up in front of the harbor, with a backdrop of the opera house and shimmering waters to soak up the sunny day. The way my mother would have liked to spend a day.
Unplanned, I stayed until the sun was setting. Peace. Calm.
(Thanks Kenz..stole this quote from you)
Once Ronnie got off work, we headed to Darling Harbour, where one of our guilty pleasures is. Mexican food. We already needed our fix…looks like we will soon be regulars here. A knock off Chipotle for cheap burritos, chips and queso, and churros to end! Then, we finished the evening walking around the area, reminiscing about times with my mom.
Talking with my grandmothers before bed tonight brought everything back full circle. I can't imagine the heartache of losing a child. Whatever the situation may be, we don't let it define us. Our life experiences open our eyes and broaden our thoughts…we have no choice but to "go on". Because that's the way my mother would have wanted it.